Friday 14 December 2012

5 Relationship Tips From a Guy Who Has No Right To Give Relationship Tips


Let me start out by letting you all know that I couldn't be any LESS qualified to write a blog about relationships, but if you're here for legit advice, that's your own fault, not mine. I'm already preparing myself for a life of answering the question of "Uncle Dean, how come you don't have a wife and kids?", so this is gonna be rough.

On that note, here we go!

1. Date someone you're attracted to
Yeah, I said it, and no, this doesn't make you shallow! Romantic relationships are supposed to be with someone you're attracted to! I have plenty of amazing people in my life that I'm not attracted to, and they're called THE GUYS. If we're dating and I look at you like I look at them, things are going to get REALLY weird REALLY fast. 

2. Don't talk about how hot other people are
This seems obvious, but it's not. Girls have self esteem issues because of the fake perfection projected in the media. We all know that, but guys don't have it so easy either! I don't see guys ranting and raving about their Boy's Night where they went and saw a movie about strippers or reading books like "50 Shades of Magic Mike and Gross Stuff" or whatever the heck it's called. I know it's not that big a deal, but hearing people in relationships talk about how hot some celebrity or whoever is weirds me out. Think it, say it to your bros/gals, but your boyfriend or girlfriend is not the person to talk to about that. Tell your significant other that they're hot and you are attracted to them and like kissing their face. It's nicer to hear. 

3. STOP TAKING MIRROR PICS
What the heck? Why do I even have to say this? Mirror pics already scream "I WANT ATTENTION", and when you're in a relationship and STILL POSTING THEM ON THE INTERNET, you clearly are not ready to be in a relationship...or on my news feed. Knock it off. Yeah, you. Stop it. It's stupid

4. Look out for the other person
If you're with someone and just trying to make sure that they make you happy, things are going to fall apart. If you're with someone who's doing the same thing, it's still going to fall apart. Relationships are supposed to be with two people who love each other, and if you love each other, you want to make the other person happy, and if you're both working to make the other person happy, then you'll both be happy! SO SIMPLE. But not. But give it a shot. If you're thinking "I'm not gonna try to make them happy because they don't/won't/can't do that for me" then your relationship is already screwed and you're clearlyyyyyy reading the wrong blog.


5. Don't try to change each other
"Maybe I'm what he needs to change."- Dumb girls

We get it ladies, you like the bad boys because you can't shut off your maternal instinct and you want to fix him and for some reason all you see is that sliver of good in that guy who treats you like crap. But seriously, DON'T DO IT. If you're going into a relationship thinking "This person can become what I'm looking for in a significant other" or "I really don't like this about them, but they'll grow out of it", YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL. People are pretty set in their ways. Yes, we should all be growing up and improving ourselves, but most people aren't, and if you're always comparing who you're with with who you're hoping they become, it's not going to be fun for either of you. And yes, relationships should be fun.


This was dumb, but I think we can all walk away saying "I didn't learn anything and I'll never get that 5 minutes back." High five!

Monday 3 December 2012

CHRISTMAS BLOG! FLUFFY PUPPIES!


(Sing the following lines to the tune of "Jingle Bells") 

CHRISTMAS BLOG, CHRISTMAS BLOG, CHRISTMAS BLOG AND STUFFFFFF, BLAH BLAH BLAH AND CHRISTMAS STUFF AND CHRISTMAS BLOG AND YEAH!!!

Not the best song I've ever written, but I think it truly captures the raw emotion behind my childish love for Christmas. If you didn't sing along with it, you can just stop reading now because clearly you're not fun. Or nice. Or a good person.

The Christmas season is my favorite time of year. If you know me at all, you know I think Jesus is awesome, and this is His birthday, so yeah, I'm down to get down for Jesus. Besides that though, the Christmas season seems to bring out the best in everyone. No idea why, but no matter what you believe, what holiday you celebrate, or what your opinion on Jesus is, people really step up their game for the month of December. 

"But isn't it sad that people are only being kinder out of obligation?"

NOPE. Don't care. I'm no respecter of persons, but nice people are awesome, and mean, selfish people pretty much suck. Not a fan. My vote for president may have been based on who smiled more. Or was it? Or wasn't it?! WHO KNOWS, READER! All I'm saying is, kindness breeds kindness, and there's a whole lot of kindness breeding going on this time of year. I imagine when kindness breeds with more kindness, the offspring looks something like this:

or this

So clearly: 
-December is when people are kind 
-Kindness breeds fluffy puppies
-God shaves the fluffy puppies and lets their fluff rain down from heaven
-And that, children, is where we get snow. 

Obviously the puppies are magical so once they're shaved they're immediately fluffy again, but I'm assuming you knew that.

I don't really know what I'm saying anymore. I'm caught in some weird, happy puppy euphoria, but the point I'm trying to make is that kindness goes a long way. If everyone was more kind regardless of what they were getting in return, the world would be a lot less crappy than what we're currently living in. My challenge for you this Christmas season is to love people, regardless of whether they love you back or not. Heck, maybe even keep it up after Christmas is over? Maybe? No pressure, but you should. Regardless of your stance on the Bible, the message of "love your neighbor as yourself" is a pretty good one, so let's all give it a shot.

Now crank up your favorite Christmas album, put on your happy face, and get out there and love some people!

That sounded weird, but you know what I meant. Merry Christmas everyone! MORE FLUFFY PUPPIES!

AHH!
GIMME!
SO FLUFFY!

Ok I'm done...
one more...
CHRISTMAS FLUFFIES!