If you're going to post "selfies", do it right!

I'm losing the battle of "selfies are kinda stupid" so instead, I've decided to help. I work full time at a photography studio and part of my job is the infamous SENIOR PORTRAIT. My job is to take awkward teenagers, make them feel more awkward by taking their picture, and then make them look good and relaxed. It can be rough, but let me use my skills to help you look less bad shooting your selfies.

1. Ladies, only let us see one shoulder
You know who wants broad shoulders? Dudes. Why? It's masculine. You want to look feminine. So, turn your body a little.

"Where did my body go??"

2. Perspective

It's all about the "angles". Shoot from below, your body looks bigger than your head. 

Girls, you don't want this.

Shoot from above, your body looks smaller because your head looks bigger.

Flattering for the ladies, slimming for the dudes.

This is a little much. No one cares what you look like from space.

3. The Duck Face is dumb

That's all.

4. Dudes, flex your traps, don't shrug your shoulders.

Shrugging your actual shoulders is a sign of being uncomfortable, so don't do it. Just flex your traps and keep your shoulders relaxed.

HULKAMANIA!

5. More skin DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK SMALLER

Some girls think "I'm a little curvy, I'll dress like a hooker and look smaller." WRONG. Clothes will slim you, skin will not.

I don't look big no matter what I do, but this certainly doesn't make me look smaller, especially if i had big flappy triceps. Don't do it ladies. Guys, SUN'S OUT GUNS OUT. Tank tops fah dayzzzz.

That's all folks. Don't post selfies, because you're an adult and it's dumb, but if you're going to, at least let me help you look your best.