WOOHOOOO OLYMPICS! AMERICA! DOMINATION! YEAH! AMERICA! MORE EXCITING WORDS! PHELPS! OLYMPICS! AMERICA! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
AMERICA!
OLYMPICS!
PHELPSOLYMPICSAMERICAGOLDGOLDGOLDAMERICAOLYMPICS YEAHHHH!!!!
The Olympics are here, suckers! (Say "Olympics" a few times. Very weird word. I almost puked after saying it 4 times in a row. Just doesn't feel right in my mouth.)
Nothing is simultaneously as awesome and stupid as the Olympics. It's like a huge World War Royal Rumble. No Axis, no Allies, just one-on-one-on-one...actually it's really just U.S.A. vs China but we let the other countries pretend they have a chance because we're nice. You're welcome, Bosnia.
It's also incredibly stupid. No one gives a crap about synchronized swimming. Out of 100 synchronized swimmers polled, 95% don't even care about synchronized swimming. (I made that up, but I'm sure that's how that poll would have gone.) So stupid. How do you even find out you're good at synchronized swimming?
You jump in the pool with all your friends and they're all like "Let's play Marco Polo!"
But you're all like "I'd rather dance...in the water...in unison...with all of you!"
And then your friends say "We don't care if you're the only kid in our neighborhood with a pool, we don't want to be your friend."
And then you have no friends so you join a synchronized swimming team at the YMCA and *BOOM* Olympian. That's the worst story ever. There's a reason there's no Disney Channel Original Movie called "Synch!"
Anyway, America is awesome. We're simultaneously the most obese nation on the planet AND the most dominant athletes. It's great. Who else can do that? No one. ONLY 'MERICA!!!! Gosh I hope we just win everything. Badminton team just smashing shuttlecocks into people's faces, Archer's just Robin Hood-ing all over everyone, splitting arrows and being unstoppable, and wrestlers just crushing people and ending the matches with some WWE moves just to show how ridiculous we are. That's all I want for the next however many days. Heck, let's just take home the gold in the luge, even though it's summer! WE'RE AMERICA! WE DECIDE WHAT SEASON IT IS!
AAAMMMMEEEERRRRIIIICCCCAAAAA!!!!!!
OLYMPICS!!!
POMMEL HORSE!
AMERICA!!!!
DOG LOBSTER DOG LOBSTER!!!!!
