Why "Dating" Is Dead

The full title of this post is actually "Why 'Dating' Is Dead and We Are All Going To Die Alone" but it didn't really fit.  Let me paint a picture of what dating WAS, and then we'll compare it to what it IS.

WHAT DATING WAS

Imagine a diner in the 50's, and if you don't know what that is, imagine an episode of Happy Days. Four girls in poodle skirts are sitting at the table, eating burgers and drinking a milkshake while "The Twist" is playing on a nearby jukebox. Four guys then walk into the diner and spot the four poodle skirt wearing ladies. One guy says "Oh golly, that's Wendy Peffercorn from English class!" His bros pull out a wet comb, help him style his hair and straighten his cardigan. He walks over to the table of girls and says "Hey Wendy, I'm Richie Cunningham from English class." (Yeah, I get I'm mixing Happy Days with the Sandlot. Stick with me.) Wendy's girlfriends giggle and scatter, allowing Richie to sit with Wendy, chat her up for a little while, and then ask her on a date that Friday. HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART. He's asking her on a date because HE LIKES HER. If she says "yes", it means SHE LIKES HIM. Get it? Ok. She says "yes".Where's the date? THE SAME DINER, and she's cool with it. They hang out and talk all night. If things go well, they drive up to Inspiration Point and do a little "necking", which is apparently what we now call "making out", but when I hear it I think of this:

Kinda weird. Anyway, if things go well, they repeat the same drill, maybe meet their friends at the county fair or something, and booyah, relationshipped.

WHAT DATING IS (Clean Version)

At some point in time, scummy guys realized that buying a girl dinner seemed to "earn" them a makeout. Girl thinks "Oh he bought me dinner, he likes me, so we can makeout." Scummy Guy thinks "I'm gonna makeout." Makeout happens, Scummy Guy is over it, girl waits for call, call never happens, Girl cries, Scummy Guy moves on. Ouch. Now Girl feels like a "woman of the night" because a Scummy Guy basically just paid her to makeout with him.

Girl now has more walls than Jericho because she got taken advantage of by Scummy Guy. Nice Guy comes around, asks to take her out to dinner. Girl doesn't really like Nice Guy, but she hasn't been on a date in awhile and likes free meals. Girl says yes to the date. Nice Guy takes her out. This time, Girl is NOT making out with Nice Guy. He drops her off at home and they end the night with a sweet "high five". Girl feels empowered, also thinks Nice Guy was "kinda boring" or "too nice". Nice Guy calls. Girl ignores call and leaves him hanging. Next day, Nice Guy sends a text. Girl still doesn't respond because another guy is taking her out tomorrow.

NOW, Nice Guy is hurt and guarded. "Why would Girl go out with me if she doesn't like me?" Nice Guy realizes he wasted money and a night out on a girl who didn't actually like him back. Nice Guy meets Nice Girl, who actually likes him. They exchange numbers. Nice Guy realizes last time he put himself out there and "wined and dined" a girl, he got burned, so Nice Guy asks Nice Girl if he can just come to her place and watch a movie. Nice Girl says "yes", because she actually likes Nice Guy and just wants to see him. Nice Guy comes over, they have fun, and he goes home. He thinks to call her, remembers when he got burned by Girl, and waits a day. Nice Girl wants to talk to him, so she texts Nice Guy first. Now Nice Guy makes a comparison:

Takes Girl out on nice date = Never hears from her again

Has casual hangout with Nice Girl = She initiates next conversation

Nice Guy now thinks "casual hangouts" are more successful and less risky than official "dates". 

NICE GUY NEVER TAKES A GIRL ON A DATE AGAIN AND NOW GIRLS THINK GUYS AREN'T ROMANTIC ANYMORE AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ALONE. 

Moral of the story is: If we all treat "dates" like they don't mean anything, then they stop meaning anything.

Get it? You're welcome. Dating is dead. Puffy animal.

Answering the question "Why didn't he/she text me back?"

Ohhhhhhh how I love texting. Between texting, Facebook, and Twitter, my phone is pretty much on me at all times and my phone battery rarely lasts the full day. It's basically like crack. But worse.

I'm probably more attached to my phone than most people, but let's be honest our phones are ALWAYS on and ALWAYS on us. When you lose your phone, your stomach is in knots until you get it. We are dependent on our connection to the outside world. We all know this.

I've talked to alot of girls lately who tell the same story: "We're kinda talking/dating/seeing each other, we talk all the time, but i haven't heard from him all day/night and i called/texted 1/2/6/19/393650367 times and he never responded. What does that mean?"

It can mean a few things:

1) You're talking to/dating/seeing a bro 

We call these guys "bros". Their life consists of getting chicks, cheap beer, and popping their polos and trying to pretend they aren't gay. (That last fact was harsh and probably not true, and I thought about deleting it but instead I'm writing this pseudo-apology for my harshness). If this is the guy you've chosen to date and you wonder why he doesn't treat you like Noah from the Notebook, you've brought this on yourself and I don't feel bad for you. Why won't he text you back? HE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE YOU. HE JUST WANTS TO BE A BRO.


2) He's just not that into you

Yes, I've seen this movie. No, I'm not gay. Yes, everything they say is true. If he/she doesn't want to call you their boyfriend/girlfriend, they probably just don't like you. If they don't respond to your calls or texts, or only do so on their terms, they probably just don't like you. Think of when YOU like someone. You get excited when they call/text and you're never too busy to talk to them or see them. A text takes all of 20 seconds to send. Unless you're this lady.

If a guy likes you, he wants to make sure he doesn't ruin things with you, and if that's the case, he will text you. If not. Move on. Why won't he text you back? HE DON'T LIKE YA!


3) His phone died/He is legitimately busy/He's dead/He lost his hands or fingers
Sometimes, you really can't. Jobs have rules against them. You're doing manual labor that requires both hands. You're at a wedding/funeral. If this is truly the case, he probably warned you about this time block of non-texting and he'll probably text you as soon as he's free, but if this is the case, you're probably not asking your friends why he's not texting you. Why won't he text me back? HE'S ACTUALLY BUSY.

We make more excuses for people we're emotionally attached to than we would for anyone else in our life. Think of how you treat someone when you legitimately like them and want to be with them, and if the way their acting isn't the same or similar, you're probably not on the same page and it's time to move on or have a D.T.R. (Define The Relationship) conversation. When you think about your romantic situation, you should feel like this.

Not like this

Not to get all sappy, but when it's real and it's mutual, you don't doubt it, and you never have to ask the question "Why didn't they text me back?". In conclusion, here's a pic I found when I googled "puppy love". It has nothing to do with this blog but I felt like it would be wrong not to share it.

What. The. Heck.