Unacceptable Rain Footwear

"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. Bumped his head and he went to bed and he couldn't get up in the morning". HOW FREAKIN' MESSED UP IS THAT SONG?! Who decided that's ok to teach kids? Here's my literal translation for 2011:

"It's raining hard and this old guy bumped his head and got a concussion, and against the advice of his Doctor and his aging wife Helga, he went to bed anyway AND DIED. TO DEATH."

Yeah, try selling THAT to kids. Stupid.

But yes, it's raining pretty hard today and there is unacceptable footwear all over my dismal college campus.

Time to BREAK IT DOWN:  *insert brutal dubstep drop*

1. Rain boots

Yeah, these are really dumb. I get that you're trying to keep your feet dry, but why the buckles and the ribbons and the "Hello Kitty" graphics?? These are cute...WHEN YOU'RE 9 YEARS OLD. If you're in high school or older, just give them up. Please. As if being wet isn't bad enough, now I feel like I'm in the play scape at McDonalds, minus the boogers...I hope.

2. Flip Flops

I'm not a big fan of flip flops no matter what the weather is like, especially on guys. I don't like my own dude feet, let alone YOUR dude feet, but I understand I'm in the minority on that so I can deal. BUT if it's raining, there is no reason to be wearing these!!! You know what's worse then dude feet? WET DUDE FEET! It makes no sense. Put shoes on, ya free spirited hippie!! 

3. Crocs

If you ever wake up and think "How can I make sure no one takes me seriously as an adult today?", here's your answer! Put these suckers on and I promise to dismiss you as an idiot and not pay attention to a word you say. You can be be explaining the Theory of Relativity and all I'll see is a little toddler with his Osh Kosh Bgosh overalls on backwards saying "I did a poopie." I don't care if they're water proof. You look like a baby. Even if a baby is wearing these I think "Look at that dumb baby" and then I punch the baby's mother in the femur for being a horrible parent. CROCS ARE DUMB.

We're all adults here. Let's wear shoes, like adults. Today I'm wearing my Converse All Stars, and although my feet my be a little damp, I'm not uncomfortable and I don't look like an idiot...well my feet don't look like an idiot's feet at least. In conclusion:

NOT CUTE

SO CUTE!