The hardest part about this move, though, isn't looking back on what I accomplished. It's looking back on what I didn't. I'm leaving my "Lynchburg Life" with so many regrets, and the closer I get to leaving the more I wish I had done more while I was here. For example:
- I regret being surrounded by wiser, stronger, more mature men and not taking the time to learn more from them
- I regret not investing more in other people
- I regret sleeping in
- I regret nearly all the time I spent on my couch
- I regret all the money I spent on Starbucks for myself and not for getting to know others
- I regret not taking more chances
- I regret "going with the flow"
- I regret not mentoring, even though I knew I should have
- I regret not serving more
- I regret avoiding difficult people who probably really needed me
I could go on, but you get the point. I did some awesome things while I was here, played great music, got involved at an amazing church, and met some amazing people, no doubt, but I'm leaving with the overwhelming feeling that I didn't do enough. Not even close. I'm almost embarrassed at how little I did.
I think we're all pretty sick of the "#YOLO" thing. Every time I hear it I want to choke a puppy, and we all know I love puppies, so that's pretty serious. But it is so true. You only live once. I'm seeing it so clearly now. I'm so upset I didn't do more over the past three years, and this is just a small glimpse of how I could end up viewing my entire life if I don't change things now. I don't want to be on my death bed, looking back on the years I lived, wishing I did more. I can't let that happen, and I know you can't either.
Deep down inside, we all know we're worth more, we should be doing more, and should be becoming more than what we are now. So as someone making a big step and moving back home, with a very real perspective of how little I've done for the world, humanity, my community, and my God, let me be the one to cut the crap and tell you: Go do something that matters. Go be someone who matters.
Time to make moves, kids.
Is this cloud a rabbit? Or is this rabbit a cloud? I don't even know, man, but I like his swag.
I like your style, but I have to disagree. Maybe the whole reason you came to Lynchburg was so you could grow and realize the importance of all those things you listed. If you would have stayed in CT, who knows where you would have been and what you would have been doing. Now, you're going back with this whole new perspective on life. Maybe the point of spending time in Lynchburg was so that you could do amazing things in CT. Don't sell yourself short--your time in Lynchburg was amazeballs. Don't leave with all that regret. 50 years from now you're going to look back at your time in the burg and think about the awesome-"er" person it made you become.
ReplyDeleteBAM. I'M RIGHT.
Haha I definitely do agree. I know I did a lot of good here and absolutely grew spiritually and just as a man, and I'm ready to use all of it in CT for sure! I just know I could have done more so going into this next chapter, I will be doing more, guaranteed.
DeleteExactly. So don't ruin your "Farewell Lynchburg" blog on a list of your regrets. You're better than that! Looking back on life we can ALWAYS do more and ALWAYS do better. You should focus on the positive and be happy about the blessings that God has given you. He gave you that opportunity to grow so much as a person. Use the things that you could change as further blessings to become an even better person in your next chapter of life. Listing regrets is not the Dean I know. Like I said, there are ALWAYS things that we can do better. Yeah, they may bum you out, but why list all of them and make yourself feel like garbage. You know what you can do better at, and there is a great way to express that to others without listing all the things you feel like you failed. I want a new, "Happy, positive, free-spirited, Dean" farewell post.
ReplyDeleteDont go!!! :(
ReplyDelete