Reasons Why You Need a Significant Other for the Holidays

Ohhhhhhhh SHOOT it's Christmas time! Turkey Day is over and Christmas Season is on like Donkey Kong in a Santa suit.

"Thanks for the sweet visual, Dean."

You are welcome, citizen.

As an avid fan of all things cute, happy, and awesome, Christmas is my favorite holiday by far. It's the happiest time of the year and *steps up onto religious soap box* we celebrate the birth of Jesus, and I do love me some Jesus! He's kind of the whole reason I'm on this earth so yeah, that's a sweet thing to celebrate. *steps off religious soap box*. I'm actually writing this while sipping on some Christmas Blend coffee from Starbucks. NOM NOM NOM. It tastes like happiness! So great. The only problem with Christmas and New Years is that it's basically made for couples. Send out a card with a picture of you and your love interest making snow angels and everyone thinks you're adorable. Send one of yourself making snow angels and you don't get invited to Christmas dinner because your family thinks you're mentally handicapped. DOUBLE STANDARD. Not cool. So let me give you a couple reasons why you need to grab somebody sexy and tell them "hey...be my Christmas lover." (Thank you Neyo for that life-changing lyric.)

1. Everyone Looks Better As a Couple
On a scale of 1-10, I put myself at a 5. I don't think girls swoon when I walk in a room, but I don't think they vomit all over the floor in disgust, either. At least I hope not. That would be sad. But anyway, as average as I may be, I am instantly a hard 9 on the hot scale with a stunning dime piece of a female on my arm! It's a fact of life. Ladies, you make me look good. REAL good. NOW LET'S BUY SANTA HATS AND DATE THE HECK OUT OF EACH OTHER. Santa wills it. He told me.



2. Your Family Won't Question Your Sexuality
We've already established I'm a fan of pastel colored V necks. Combine that with a few years of singleness and your family starts wondering when they're gonna meet your boyfriend. I'm not saying my family thinks I'm gay, but I will say my new love for the Justin Bieber Christmas song doesn't help my cause here.

SING IT BIEBS. Anyway, I like girls, not boys, and I'd love to remove any doubt from my Grandmother's mind.



3. It's a Good Excuse To Get More Gifts
If you buy yourself gifts for Christmas, you look like a selfish Scrooge. BUT if you buy a significant other a gift, they are obligated to return the favor and get YOU a gift of equal or greater value. It's a fact of life. So, you want an iPad? Buy your holiday lover a gift that costs as much as an iPad and with some strong hinting BOOM you've got one and you look like a caring human being. Awesome sauce.



4. You'll Probably Get a Seat at the Adult Table
We all hate being stuck at the kids table on the holidays. You're trying desperately to listen to what the adults are saying and get involved but your little cousin Timmy is screaming in your face about how much he loves Sponge Bob.

Gosh, Timmy sucks.If you bring a date to your holiday celebration, you're pretty much guaranteed a spot at the adult table. Your parents and Aunts and Uncles all want them to feel loved and accepted so you will be right there with them with the big people. Dopeness.






The Christmas season is a fun time as long as you can navigate some of the obstacles that come with being single, so grab someone decently attractive, throw some cash at them and make them yours on Christmas! Trust me, it's worth it. SO Thank you Josh Norman for the sweet blog idea, and here's some cute Christmas animal action!

GIVE ME GIFTS MONKEY MAN!

My No Shave Novem-beard

That's me 4 days into No Shave November. Call me spineless, call me a traitor, I understand. After some very ant-No Shave November tweets and statuses, I succumbed to the challenges against my manliness and decided I would, in fact, participate in No Shave November. Don't get me wrong, I support awesome beards, just not on me. But I think this beard-growing scheme will be good for me. Let me give you a few reasons:

1. I'M A MAN

That's right, I'm a man, and God made my face to grow hair. He also made the brains that designed the razor, so I support using that too. Sometimes, though, it's nice to let out my inner manly man! Despite my baby face and awkward appreciation of pastel colored V-neck t-shirts, I LIKE MAN STUFF. I enjoy playing sports. I watch UFC fights. Sometimes I want to kill an animal with my bare hands and eat it raw just because I can...Ok that's a lie. But I would if I had to! (Probably not. Gross.) But there's always been a part of me that wondered how I'd look with a beard, so now I'm going to find out! 

The baby-beard I have now is already making me want to buy more flannel, cut down tress with an axe, and live off the land in a log cabin in Maine...or wherever things like that happen. I also have an overwhelming desire to stroke it and say wise man things like "Your life only has meaning if you mean your life" and other dumb stuff that really doesn't make sense or make any valid point. It also makes me want to rub my face against other people's faces which is really pretty awkward for everyone. I should probably stop doing that. (But I probably won't. #BeardNinja)

Also, most of what I do is FOR THE LADIES. (Sidenote, my good friend Tom Oppelt actually started that phrase. I can't take the credit for it.) I think it's been good for me to do something that's NOT for the ladies. I'm 25, single (for the ladies...CRAP. It's so hard to turn off!), and yeah, maybeeee there's a little pressure to find a girl to settle down with...or date...or just have feelings for... yeah I suck. But for this month, I don't care, and I'm growing a ##@%&$&%$&$@!@%()^%%&#$^# BEARD! (I have no idea what that big censored word was supposed to be, but let's all just assume it was attention grabbing and spoken with over-the-top aggression.) Honestly, every girl that's told me to give up and shave has only made me more determined to stick it out and let the scruff grow, so HA.

So there you have it! Beard blog is complete. I hope this inspired you guys to grow your own beard and/or support my own beardy beard.

"But Dean, you only listed one point!" - Anonymous Reader

Yeah, because I'm a man and I do what I want! YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME! BEARD POWER!!! Ok sorry, I'm done. But for reals. This beard is fun. You should grow one.

GOAT BEARD!