Nicki Manaj #5 Most Desirable Woman? Really?!

According to a list of the 99 Most Desirable Women of 2012 on AskMen.com featured on Yahoo.com, Nicki Manaj, female MC and member of Young Money is #5. Number 5. NUMBER 5!!!!! That's absolutely insane. No, she's not ugly and yes, a girl who can rap gets some extra hot points, but number 5!? OUT OF EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD?!?!?! I feel like I know at least 50 girls personally that are more "desirable" than her. Even if the oh-so-stunning Mandy Moore wore the outfit Nicki is wearing in the pic above, she would instantly be a few steps below Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife as far as "desirability".

No, no, you absolutely are not.

The people saying "Nicki Manaj is desirable" are the same people telling me Lady Gaga is a fashion icon.

Really? REALLY?!?!?!

There's a gigantic difference between "I'm innovative" and "I'M STRAIGHT UP BAT CRAP CRAZY BLAHHHH!!!". Being that weird is not hot, or desirable, and I'm sick of being told it is. The media has gone insane. Tim Tebow is weird for praying before a football game, and Nicki Manaj is the 5th Most Desirable Woman on Earth. Really? 

Really??

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Me too, little puff ball thing that might be a cat, me too. 

Irene, You Kinda Suck

Hey Irene! NOBODY LIKES YOU, you big dumb hurricane jerk face. That's why we named you Irene, because it's the name of gross old women that nobody likes.

Typical Irene

No offense to any Irene's out there, but the name just isn't pretty. So let's list out why we hate Irene.

1. Your name is ugly

Yes, we just mentioned this, but Irene is a gross, crappy name. I think of Hurricane Irene and I think of the woman pictured above, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, and....and...well rain and wind. 

"I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on them homesssss" (Get it?? Homes? HA)

2. No one invited you!

You know that annoying friend who always stops by whenever you're laying down for a nap? Or the family member who calls right as you sit down for dinner? Or the guy who texts you on a Friday night and asks you to be invited to whatever you're doing? Yeah, Irene is all of those in one. GO HOME. Nobody wants you here, ya big dumb beast, kinda like Steve Urkel.

"Did I do that???"

Yeah, Steve, ya did, and Carl Winslow is gonna beat the crap out of you.

3. You were just here in 1999!!

Yeah. Little known fact, we already had a visit from Irene in 1999. She killed 18 people and did $800 million in damages! Would you invite that person back to your country? Heck to the no! 9 people and $300 million in damages, yeah, maybe I can get past that, but I can not afford to have friends who cost me that much money!! Go. Away. You. Suck.

4. You're ruining my Earthquake Survival Plan!!!

If you've already read the blog before this, my East Coast Earthquake Survival Guide, you know that I have a VERY organized plan on how to deal with the earthquake we just had, and YOU ARE RUINING IT! Megan, Mandy, and Carrie aren't gonna watch me accept my new role as World Leader if it's raining out! It'll ruin their hair! Bieber isn't going to help me shoot the earthquake in the face if it's raining out! It'll ruin his hair too! YOU SUCK SO HARD IRENE! I wish you were never born.

I WANT THIS AND YOU RUINED IT!!! :'(

Long story short, Irene is kind of a B word, and no one wants her here. Go terrorize the North Pole where there are no people. The penguins are bored and they could use some excitement. Go away!

"LEAVE THE EAST COAST ALONE!!!"

                                                    

YAY VISITORS YAY!

I hate Irene. She is not my friend. All the free baked goods in the world couldn't salvage this relationship. Stop scaring us!!!

AHHHH SCARY HURRICANE HORSE!!!