Girls and Football

For most of my life I've asked myself the age-old question: Do I want to date a girl that's into sports or not? Right? That question is totally age-old. Old as all the ages. I'm sure my parents spent many hours during their pre-marriage counseling wondering the same thing. How much will organized sports affect this eternal love?!

Well, if you don't know, I'm a Boston/New England sports fan living in Connecticut. Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots, heck I even watch the New England Revolution soccer team (the 2 times a year they televise a game #angryemojiface.) Living in CT, you're on the front lines of the infamous Boston/New York battlefield. It's kinda the worst. So when you meet a girl here, you have a 50% chance that she hates your teams, if she cares at all. A 50% chance that when you say you like the Red Sox, she goes "EW OMG GROSS JETER IS BAE" because she doesn't know he retired (burn) and they post something like this on opening day.

I made that myself. You should be impressed. But anyway, now it's so much worse being a Patriots fan! Whether they care about sports or not, you mention Tom Brady WHO I LOVE SO MUCH and they're like "EW DIDN'T HE CHEAT OR SOMETHING" and I literally CAN'T EVEN. Like LITERALLY I will slap that pumpkin spice latte right onto your UGGs (WHO SPONSORS TOM BTW.)

Dashing. Just a stunning, handsome man. Wait, where was I? Oh right. LEAVE TOM OUT OF THIS.  You don't know he cheated. The NFL doesn't even know he cheated. Just stop, please. Say what you want about me, but leave my quarterback out of this!!!

 You probably don't even know what this meme is from!! Anyway, so these conversations have gotten old. Fast. Can I deal with a lifetime of Boston hate from the girl I'm with forever? I thought I could, but maybe I can't. But on the flip side, do I want a girl who also likes my teams? Do I actually want a girl that's going to be upset that the Red Sox pitching is SO BAD this year? Do I want a girl that's going to yell at the TV when Tukka Rask let's a stupid shot right at his chest trickle into the goal right after he basically did a headstand to stop a rocket to the net? UGH typical Rask. But I don't know that I want that either!

In truth, I don't think I want a girl that's just like me, but a girl that likes that I like what I like, and vice versa. Make sense? Like, I'm over there liking what I like and she's all like "I like that."

 I'm a pretty big personality (aka kind of annoying), so if I date someone that acts like I act and likes everything I like, the world might LITERALLY explode. Too much. Can't handle it. So I think I've found the perfect girl:

GIRL WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT SPORTS BUT LIKES GOING TO GAMES BECAUSE IT'S FUN AND SHE HAS A REASON TO WEAR ONE OF MY JERSEYS OR SOMETHING.

She'll watch a game with you when she has nothing better to do, but doesn't mind if you go and watch it with the guys. When your team suffers a crushing loss (like the Bruins losing the Cup to the Blackhawks on that STUPID last minute goal), she'll have the emotional stability to tell me everything will be ok and play with my hair and tell me I'm pretty. She'll be happy when I'm happy, sad when I'm sad, and she'll even be into things that I never have been into, but I like them because they make her happy. And isn't that what it's all about? Doesn't everyone want that person that cares about them so much that they want you to enjoy the things that make you happy? I think that's it. AWWWWSOCUTE. So, to all you genuine sports-loving ladies, sports haters, and sports non-carers, keep it up. Do your thing. In reality, it probably doesn't matter. But if it does, you'll figure it out. Also, I literally love everything about this picture. Everything. LITERALLY.

Girls and Sports

For centuries, men have been trying to balance out their love of sports and their love of the opposite sex. We love sports, we love our teams, but we love THE LADIES as well. Yes, the girl pictured above has earned some extra hot points for rocking the Red Sox shirt at a game, but some girls think they have us all figured out and that the way to our heart is talking sports. While there may be SOME truth to that, there's a few rules and guidelines you women folk should be following. Here they are:

1. Don't Insult My Team
As a Red Sox/Celtics/Patriots/Bruins fan living in Connecticut, I'm constantly caught in the Boston/New York rivalry. You can't escape it. Yes, I have met plenty of attractive Yankees fans and believe it or not, it's not a "deal breaker". But it can be if you push it! After the Red Sox failed to make the playoffs this year, a "friend" of mine who likes the Yankees thought it would be funny to tease me on Facebook messenger. (Side note: I hate Facebook messenger no matter what we're talking about.) I took the first jab in stride, but after the second one, I deleted her. For real. And no, I haven't added her back, nor do I plan to. I can take a little harassment, but don't push it!

2. Don't Argue Sports If You Don't Know What You're Talking About
A fellow man once gave me the Five Player Test: When a female says "I like the *sports team*!", you, as a man, have the right to ask her to name five players on that team. If she can't, she is not allowed to talk about sports. Ever.

3. Don't Be a Dude
I'm pretty emotionally invested in my teams of choice. When the Red Sox lost to the Orioles to lose the A.L. Wild Card, I was in an emotional slump for the rest of the night. But I'm a guy. That's what we do. I like girls who act like girls:

-Be feminine.
-Make us late for our date because you can't pick what shoes you want to wear.
-Cry over a dumb chick flick.
-Spend way too much money on fashion accessories.

I don't need another guy in my life. I have guys. They're called "the guys". Yes, I'd love for you to watch the game with me and let me pick you up and spin you around when we win or rub my back while I sulk after a loss, but if you're screaming at the TV louder than I am, yeah. That's not gonna work. If your favorite part of going to Fenway with me is having an excuse to buy a Red Sox shirt and wear eye black, I'm more than ok with that. BE A GIRL. Don't be a dude.

Yes, a girl who likes sports is cool, but it's not going to make us love you any more if you know more about our favorite team than we do. That's like dating a girl who's taller than me, which I'm also not ok with.

Sports are cool. Girls are cool. Don't be a dude.

Sorry girl, all the Red Sox apparel and cute animals in the world won't make me fall for a middle-aged woman with braces.

I Wish I Could Quit You Part II: POKEMON

Oh sweet sweet Pokemon, how I love you. I never watched the show because it was usually over before I got home from school (carpooling was a rough life), but I had a ton of the trading cars and could name all 150. Yeah, I was awesome and you should be jealous of my coolness. But one fateful Christmas morn' in middle school, I received a Game Boy Pocket and... POKEMON BLUE! My older brother got Pokemon Red the same morn' ('morn is way more epic than 'morning' so I'm sticking with it), so the rivalry was on. I carried my Game Boy EVERYWHERE. I was constantly training and battling my Pokemon so I could keep pace with my older brother. It was a great time in my life. Eventually I beat the game and laid it to rest, and soon after I made a critical mistake of leaving my book of Pokemon cards out on my trampoline while it rained, destroying both my Pokemon cards and my desire to be the greatest Pokemon trainer of all time. 

FAST FORWARD to June 19th, 2011. The talk of different apps for phones comes up and I think "I wonder if I can find the original Pokemon game for my Blackberry?". Here's a quick list of the events that trasnpired:

1. Googled "Pokemon Blue for Blackberry"

2. Found a sketchy website to download it

3. Downloaded it

4. Tried it out

5. Confirmed that it was the real deal

6. Danced around like a fairy and sang sweet, sweet praises to the Pokemon gods.

So now I have Pokemon Blue on my phone. I'll be the first to admit that some things that were awesome when I was a kid truly suck now that I'm an adult. For example, I watched an episode of Salute Your Shorts and it wasn't even slightly awesome. Pokemon, though, is still SO FREAKIN AWESOME. I'm again emotionally attached to my Pokemon and my thumb has actually cramped randomly during my day from playing it on my tiny little Blackberry buttons. It's almost sad... ok it's definitely sad. But I love it. I'm not investing nearly as much time as I did when I got the game in middle school, but it's nice to catch some Pokemon while I'm in bed trying to fall asleep. Basically, I'm living the dream.

If anyone knows me personally, I'm a child at heart. I love having fun and embracing my inner child whenever possible. In the past 6 months I've acquired a Slip and Slide, a Nerf gun (thanks mom) and a Wiffle bat. Although I'm 25 and have been back in college pursuing a degree in Accounting for 2 years now, I still know how to find joy in the little things, and that's something about myself I hope I have until the day I leave this Earth. So while you're all sweating the small stuff, I'll be happily trying to become "Adult Dean" while making sure "Kid Dean" is still alive and kicking. Maybe this blog should be called "I DON'T wish I could quit you" :)

Don't Tell Me My Favorite Teams Suck

Above is the magically wonderful, the one and only, FENWAY PARK, home of the Boston Red Sox, AND I'M GOING THERE TONIGHT! WOOHOO! Can't wait. The Red Sox are my favorite sports team, hands down, followed closely by the New England Patriots, the Boston Celtics, and the Boston Bruins. Why Boston? I'm from Connecticut. We have no pro sports teams for ourselves so we share Boston with the rest of New England: Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. (There's some quick geography for ya). Although I was only a causal supporter of sports up until my senior year of high school, my passion for my teams has grown more and more to the point where if you insult my teams, I'LL PROBABLY KILL YOU.

There are some people who LOVE having long, in-depth conversations about why YOUR team is a "bad" sports team. I don't get it. Do you really think after a simple conversation I'm gonna say "Yeah, you're right. My team's awful and yours is great. I'm clearly an idiot."? No. It's stupid. Love the teams you love and let other people love their teams too...except for the Yankees (because they're evil), the Cowboys (because they're evil), the Heat or the Lakers (evil evil evil), or the Padres (They just suck. Trust me, I've seen it. They are not good at baseball. They should give up and spend all 9 innings playing Cornhole in the parking lot with the fans.) KIDDING. I'm trying to prove a point that if you're a sports fan, you're gonna love the teams you love and hate the teams you hate no matter what, so arguing is pointless. I recently had jury duty and had an awesome conversation with a Yankees fan about how both of our teams were doing this year. No "Yankees suck" or "Red Sox suck" talk at all, just facts and stats about the season. It was a great, intelligent conversation with a fellow sports fan. You guys should try it some time.

In conclusion, let me summarize this post with a few key points:


1. My Team is awesome
2. Your Team is not awesome
3. My Team will beat your team every time we play each other
4. Your Team will never beat my team, even when they actually beat my team
5.  My team is awesome even when we suck, and your team sucks even when they're playing great.


"Dean, these points make no sense."- Casual reader of this Blog. They don't have to!!! This is what makes sports so great. You love your team through thick and thin with more bias than a girl telling you how hot their best friend is. That's the way it should be. Now go in peace, my brethren, and love your teams with all thine heart, and speak not against the teams of thine fellow man. AMEN AND AMEN.

Thanks again for listening and... GO SOX!!

PUPPYYYYYY!!!!