In approximately 48 hours, I watched the first 7 Harry Potter movies. At about 2.5 hours each, that means I spent 17.5 hours watching little baby wizard children romp around a fantasy world...at the age of 25. No shame. No regrets. I dove head first into the story of Harry Potter and learned everything I could just in time to see the most recent release, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 this past weekend. It was amazing and if I were capable of tears (too manly), I would have come close to waterworks a few times during the final chapter of this epic story. But, now it's over, and I'm here to enlighten you guys on all you really need to know about the Harry Potter Saga without spoiling anything. This could be tough.
Has a scar on his head because he was an invincible baby. Starts off as a wimpy nerd with hipster glasses, ends the series pretty much the same way but a little more brave and/or stupid.
Hermione Granger
Starts off as a cute little book worm, ends as an older, very hot bookworm. Hallelujah.
Starts off as a whiny ginger, ends as a whiny ginger on steroids. Somehow, Hermione is his girl. Boggles my mind.
Headmaster of Hogwarts. Awesome beard. Pretty much the man. Also, I don't care what J.K. Rowling says, he's not gay!! I mean, her initials are J. K. She's clearly just kidding.
Kinda like the bad guy of the good guys? Or good guy of the bad guys? Just watch the movies. All that really matters is that he looks like he just got off tour with My Chemical Romance. EMO.
Starts off as a punk, ends as a dbag. You'll hate him the second you see his big dumb face. I'm actually punching his face on my laptop screen between each word I'm typing.
Bad guy, obviously. He has no nose. No nose. Nostrils, yes. Nose, not so much. Straight up noseless. People are afraid to even say his name, even though when they do, nothing really happens.
In one movie. SPOILER ALERT. He dies. Goes on to play some sparkly fairy or something. #twilightsucks
These are the main characters of the movie. There are other crucial characters, but you'll just have to watch the movies to learn about them. I can't tell you everything! Now for a few key words and terms you'll want to know:
Hogwarts: School for magicians and witches
Muggles: Non-magic people
Mudblood: Pretty much the "N word". Means you're not a pure blooded magician. Don't say it to Hermione. Trust.
Death Eaters: Bad guys. Pretty sure they don't actually eat death because that really doesn't make any sense.
Dementors: They'll pretty much suck your soul out of your face
Alright, you are now informed enough to watch the Harry Potter movies and actually know what the heck is going on. YOU. ARE. WELCOME. Now go watch the movies, and love them. If you don't love them, I hate you. "But Dean, you don't know me." I don't care. You suck. To everyone who loves Harry Potter, I like you . I like you alot, and to show how much I like you, here's a HARRY POTTER KITTY!!!
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| "What it dooooo my Mudbloods?!" (He's allowed to say it. You're not.) |
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