What Their Texts Really Mean aka Fun With Pie Charts

Texting is the greatest and worst thing to enter the world. It's quick and convenient but also the most insincere, indirect, and easily misinterpreted form of communication possible. I LOVE IT. I'm a socialite. I'm addicted to human interaction. I can talk to anyone about anything for hours and texting allows me to do that without taking away from my other duties and responsibilities. As a semi-professional texter (I just made that up) I am qualified to tell you guys the deeper meaning behind texts you're receiving. I'm also going to abnuse pie charts because I think they're fun.

There's no reason to extend your words that long unless you're being sketchy.

The "..." implies that there's more to be said than what's being said. It symbolizes that the thought isn't complete. IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO!!!

Ah, the one word text. Not only is this one word, but it also says "I heard what you said and I acknowledge that it was meant to be humorous but I literally have nothing to say to you"

Nothing makes an innocent sentence look suggestive and inappropriate like a wink face. Example:

"I saw your sister yesterday" versus "I saw your sister yesterday ;)"

Not cool, bro.

There's no reason to ask this unless there's one specific person you're trying to avoid, like an ex or someone who texts you "Heyyyyyyyyyy" all the time. Not only that, but my presence should be enough and I'm sad that you need other people's company to make this worthwhile.

Really? You're SO busy you couldn't take 8 seconds to send a text? Really? Realllllllly? Come on.

This is the quickest and easiest way to tell me you're brain operates on a substandard level. If you text like this, I don't want to talk to you. Ever. Even in real life. Stop it. 

Hopefully this gives you some insight into what people are really telling you or made you laugh because it's kinda true. Either way, check out the puppies!!!!!!

HE'S NOMMING HIS FLABBERJABBER! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT IT'S ADORABLE

Answering the question "Why didn't he/she text me back?"

Ohhhhhhh how I love texting. Between texting, Facebook, and Twitter, my phone is pretty much on me at all times and my phone battery rarely lasts the full day. It's basically like crack. But worse.

I'm probably more attached to my phone than most people, but let's be honest our phones are ALWAYS on and ALWAYS on us. When you lose your phone, your stomach is in knots until you get it. We are dependent on our connection to the outside world. We all know this.

I've talked to alot of girls lately who tell the same story: "We're kinda talking/dating/seeing each other, we talk all the time, but i haven't heard from him all day/night and i called/texted 1/2/6/19/393650367 times and he never responded. What does that mean?"

It can mean a few things:

1) You're talking to/dating/seeing a bro 

We call these guys "bros". Their life consists of getting chicks, cheap beer, and popping their polos and trying to pretend they aren't gay. (That last fact was harsh and probably not true, and I thought about deleting it but instead I'm writing this pseudo-apology for my harshness). If this is the guy you've chosen to date and you wonder why he doesn't treat you like Noah from the Notebook, you've brought this on yourself and I don't feel bad for you. Why won't he text you back? HE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE YOU. HE JUST WANTS TO BE A BRO.


2) He's just not that into you

Yes, I've seen this movie. No, I'm not gay. Yes, everything they say is true. If he/she doesn't want to call you their boyfriend/girlfriend, they probably just don't like you. If they don't respond to your calls or texts, or only do so on their terms, they probably just don't like you. Think of when YOU like someone. You get excited when they call/text and you're never too busy to talk to them or see them. A text takes all of 20 seconds to send. Unless you're this lady.

If a guy likes you, he wants to make sure he doesn't ruin things with you, and if that's the case, he will text you. If not. Move on. Why won't he text you back? HE DON'T LIKE YA!


3) His phone died/He is legitimately busy/He's dead/He lost his hands or fingers
Sometimes, you really can't. Jobs have rules against them. You're doing manual labor that requires both hands. You're at a wedding/funeral. If this is truly the case, he probably warned you about this time block of non-texting and he'll probably text you as soon as he's free, but if this is the case, you're probably not asking your friends why he's not texting you. Why won't he text me back? HE'S ACTUALLY BUSY.

We make more excuses for people we're emotionally attached to than we would for anyone else in our life. Think of how you treat someone when you legitimately like them and want to be with them, and if the way their acting isn't the same or similar, you're probably not on the same page and it's time to move on or have a D.T.R. (Define The Relationship) conversation. When you think about your romantic situation, you should feel like this.

Not like this

Not to get all sappy, but when it's real and it's mutual, you don't doubt it, and you never have to ask the question "Why didn't they text me back?". In conclusion, here's a pic I found when I googled "puppy love". It has nothing to do with this blog but I felt like it would be wrong not to share it.

What. The. Heck.