The Smiling Car Door Smasher

Ok, this isn't the car door smasher, but she looks pretty similar. Ready for a story? Here it goes.

SO I leave Starbucks with my usual: Grande Pikes Place with Pumpkin Spice. "Room for cream?" HECK NO BARISTA. I'm a man. So, I sit in my car, place my beverage in my cup holder, and KABOOM the lady next to me SMASHES my car door with hers, and I mean SSSMMMAAASSSHHHEEESSS it. My car shook. Hard. So i look up at her with a face that's a weird mix of anger/confusion/fear. I think it looked like this:

I'm waiting for some kind of apology or maybe mouthing "I'm so sorry!" to me through my closed window. What does she actually do? SHE SMILES AND WAVES WHILE SHE'S GETTING INTO HER CAR! What the heck?! It was the kind of smile-and-wave combo that you would use to say "Hey there, acquaintance! I know you well enough to acknowledge you in public but not enough to stop and say hi!". Do I know her? Nope. Never seen her in my life. But, that's the way she chose to react to this potentially awkward situation.

Now I'm even more confused, but my overly-friendly instincts take over and I just smile and wave back! She somehow flipped this whole situation around so I went from "WHO THE POOP JUST SMASHED MY CAR?!" to "Hey, good seeing you to!". What. The. Heck. This lady is clearly some kind of witch. Or Wicca. Or Wiccen? I have no idea how to spell these words but you know what I mean. SHE HAS POWERS. I don't know what was in her Starbucks cup, but it was probably something to fuel her magic, and I want some. It's times like these I wish I went to Hogwarts so I could cast a "SORRIUS FOR MY SMASHIUS" spell on her and get an apology!

SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

Ok, maybe she saw how crappy my car is and thought "This kid clearly doesn't care about a ding in his car." and yes, she would be right, but still. This whole thing has left me confused and I still don't know how I feel about this woman. I'm equal parts impressed and offended. If she's married, God help that man. He is probably TOTALLY whipped by her and has no idea. He probably spends all day cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush and is actually convinced he likes it. She needs to be stopped. And I need to stop her...TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

Thanks, attack puppy. At least SOMEONE has my back!