Girls and Sports

For centuries, men have been trying to balance out their love of sports and their love of the opposite sex. We love sports, we love our teams, but we love THE LADIES as well. Yes, the girl pictured above has earned some extra hot points for rocking the Red Sox shirt at a game, but some girls think they have us all figured out and that the way to our heart is talking sports. While there may be SOME truth to that, there's a few rules and guidelines you women folk should be following. Here they are:

1. Don't Insult My Team
As a Red Sox/Celtics/Patriots/Bruins fan living in Connecticut, I'm constantly caught in the Boston/New York rivalry. You can't escape it. Yes, I have met plenty of attractive Yankees fans and believe it or not, it's not a "deal breaker". But it can be if you push it! After the Red Sox failed to make the playoffs this year, a "friend" of mine who likes the Yankees thought it would be funny to tease me on Facebook messenger. (Side note: I hate Facebook messenger no matter what we're talking about.) I took the first jab in stride, but after the second one, I deleted her. For real. And no, I haven't added her back, nor do I plan to. I can take a little harassment, but don't push it!

2. Don't Argue Sports If You Don't Know What You're Talking About
A fellow man once gave me the Five Player Test: When a female says "I like the *sports team*!", you, as a man, have the right to ask her to name five players on that team. If she can't, she is not allowed to talk about sports. Ever.

3. Don't Be a Dude
I'm pretty emotionally invested in my teams of choice. When the Red Sox lost to the Orioles to lose the A.L. Wild Card, I was in an emotional slump for the rest of the night. But I'm a guy. That's what we do. I like girls who act like girls:

-Be feminine.
-Make us late for our date because you can't pick what shoes you want to wear.
-Cry over a dumb chick flick.
-Spend way too much money on fashion accessories.

I don't need another guy in my life. I have guys. They're called "the guys". Yes, I'd love for you to watch the game with me and let me pick you up and spin you around when we win or rub my back while I sulk after a loss, but if you're screaming at the TV louder than I am, yeah. That's not gonna work. If your favorite part of going to Fenway with me is having an excuse to buy a Red Sox shirt and wear eye black, I'm more than ok with that. BE A GIRL. Don't be a dude.

Yes, a girl who likes sports is cool, but it's not going to make us love you any more if you know more about our favorite team than we do. That's like dating a girl who's taller than me, which I'm also not ok with.

Sports are cool. Girls are cool. Don't be a dude.

Sorry girl, all the Red Sox apparel and cute animals in the world won't make me fall for a middle-aged woman with braces.